asian boy bands are juniors and bang super big

Summary: Super Junior and Big Bang collaborate. Chaos and strange productions ensue.

Genre: genfic, humor, crack-like

Rating: PG-13

Characters/Pairing: Super Junior/Big Bang, collectively

Disclaimer: don't own akp, soompi or kpoplive >>

None of the managers had predicted it—or bothered to even consider it, really.

It had happened when a bunch of Korean pop artists went on a journey to a giant mountain (they did this every few years or so, just to talk to the Korean pop artist gods. Even Choi Siwon and Amber Liu couldn’t deny that they existed). Hundreds of musicians, all climbed the forestry mountain together.

At first, the bands and the artists had stayed with their respective entertainment groups—it was awkward, you know? They knew each other, and they knew of each other, but it wasn’t like they all talked to each other all the time. Some of them had never even spoken a word to another group before.

But when 2NE1 started mingling with 4minute and some of the SNSD members went to go flirt with TRAX, Super Junior and Big Bang had finally collided with each other. And they started talking.

Thus, all chaos began.

--

It has been reported that two of the biggest Korean pop boy bands, Super Junior and Big Bang, have decided to collaborate and write a song together. – allkpop

“No no no! The lyrics need more English!” Jiyoung was saying to Ryeowook, who was scribbling down the lyrics. “Words like ‘beautiful’, or ‘rainbow,’ or ‘hangover’, or ‘good-bye’, or like ‘baby girl’ or something.”

“Love! Oh baby my girl!”Donghae started singing.

Seunghyun giggled.

“Is the song about girls again?” Kyuhyun asked from the corner.

“You know, technically, they could go either way if we just omitted the word ‘girl’,” Kibum explained. “Then we could be singing about guys, too.”

“Yeah, but we’re not U-Kiss,” T.O.P pointed out.

“True,” Jungsoo agreed.

“But we show enough skinship with each other that we might as well be U-Kiss,” Sungmin said.

“That’s what Korean boy bands are supposed to do. They’re supposed to hug and touch and kiss each other, because it makes the fans happy,” explained Heechul.

Sungmin glared at him. Daesung, who was watching, figured that it must have been a personal thing.

“Whatever. I ship GTOP anyways,” Taeyang commented, earning a smack from Jiyoung.

--

The song that Super Junior and Big Bang had created went something along the lines of:

(insert Korean words here) BIG BANG AND SUPER JUNIOR TWENTY TEN OH

(insert more Korean words here) BABY GIRL

(insert more Korean words here) YOU MAKE ME WANT TO FEEL YOU

(insert more Korean words here) OH PLEASE COME TO ME GIRL

(insert more Korean words here) GIRL GIRL GIRL

(insert more Korean words here) SARANGHAE (note by Donghae: “Every Super Junior song has to have ‘saranghae’ in there somewhere!”)

(insert more Korean words here) KIMIWA MY BEAUTIFUL HANGOVER

(insert more Korean words here) LET’S GO TOP

(insert more Korean words here) GET LOW FOSHO

(insert more Korean words here) SJ N BB YEAH WE ROCK DIS HOUSE

(insert more Korean words here)

YEAH!

Hyukjae had whined, “I wanted a rap solo in this too ;_;.” Later, T.O.P. promised him that he, Kibum, Shindong and Donghae could, in their next song.

(disclaimer by Jungsoo—I had no part in making this)

--

When the twenty men went onstage, cheers were heard by VIPs and ELFs in the audience. They had to get a stadium so large that it was twice the size that any man had ever seen in his entire life.

Ryeowook got a duet with Daesung; Jiyoung and Kyuhyun flirted so much that the online ELFs started shipping Kyudragon (“You could put ‘Kyu’ in any word and it would work, anyways,” commented one fan), and  Seunghyun, Hyukjae, Shindong, Hankyung and Taeyang had actually choreographed a dance for the performance that involved lots of grinding.

When interviewed about this performance, Hyukjae had explained to the reporter, “It’s because in society today, when there are a bunch of people gathered for a dance, you just don’t do normal dancing anymore, you know? It’s all just grinding and stuff. So we decided that we’d try to adapt this idea into our choreography, because four dancers is a lot already but add two more and we might as well just be one big orgy. Plus, it was really fun.”

--

At first, Siwon and T.O.P. hadn’t gotten along too well—both of them knew that the other was considered the “handsome man” of their group, and their ego had gotten in the way. They hadn’t talked much at first.

But then one day, in their shared dorm (that had been requested by both Jiyoung and Jungsoo—if twenty men were going to be collaborating, they should probably be gathered in a large enough room), Siwon had come out of the shower and into the living room, where T.O.P. had his legs propped up and was reading a newspaper. T.O.P. had looked up and their eyes met, and Siwon noticed that he had nicer legs than any other girl, and T.O.P. was busy staring at Siwon’s refined abs.

Then they proceeded to do the dirtiest things to each other that no fangirl could ever imagine.

Mostly because, you know, she’d faint from all the hotness.

--

It has been reported, due to the immense amount of friendships that have been forming in the KPOP industry, rather than unnecessary drama, Super Junior and Big Bang, two of the Asia’s biggest boy bands, have decided to collaborate on an album together. – soompi

When the news had been delivered, the uteri of girls worldwide had exploded. Super Junior-hating VIPs and Big Bang-hating-ELFs went on a rampage and formed an anti-club called I Just Hate Everything (IJHE). The fans who liked both, however, created a fanclub called Very Important EverLasting Friends (VIELFs, which made them sound Vietnamese, yes—but the Vietnamese VIELFs didn’t mind too much, or at all, really).

The album had been called My Apology Is A Lie, with ten songs (“Because fifteen plus five divided by two is ten,” Kyuhyun had explained, until Seunghyun smacked him over the head and told him that Asians could do the math), mostly written and composed by Taeyang, Ryeowook and Jungsoo, choreographed by Hyukjae, Shindong, Donghae, Hankyung and Seunghyun, and performed by Kyuhyun, Jongwoon, Daesung and Jiyoung.

Donghae and Daesung had gotten along wonderfully (though not as wonderfully as T.O.P. and Siwon—but we don’t talk about that), as did Taeyang and Youngwoon, having known each other when they were younger. Jiyoung taught Heechul more swear words (“Like, hella isn’t that bad of a word, you know? Say the word ‘fuck.’ Fans will go wild.”), while Seunghyun and Kyuhyun shared stories with each other about being the maknae (“It’s all about knowing how to get control, isn’t it?” “It is.”).

--

Shortly after the debut of the first Super Junior and Big Bang collaborated album (and pointedly ignoring Lee Soo Man and Yang Hyun Suk’s urges of “don’t fraternize with other Korean industries”), they ended up appearing on a talk show together.

Upon being asked the question, “Did you guys know of each other before you collaborated?” all the members of both the groups said yes.

“My OTPs were Kyumin and Yewook. I was so mad when Super Junior M formed and everyone started shipping Qmi and Henwook,” T.O.P. confessed.

“I had a bias of Hankyung, but then it changed when I saw Sungmin in his Super Show performances. They were hot,” remarked Seunghyun (and earning a blush from Sungmin.)

“I always thought that I was the black Asian, but then I saw Heechul,” said Taeyang.

“I want to learn some of Ryeowook’s cooking and singing skills,” Daesung said.

“I like putting my lyric writing skills to use and write some Super Junior fanfiction. Like Eunhae and Kangteuk,” Jiyoung grinned. T.O.P. nodded in agreement.

All the Super Junior members stared at them.

“Well I ship GTOP,” Kyuhyun said, and Seunghyun reached over to high-five him.

--

“So we all like girls, right?” Jungsoo glanced around the large living room.

All the other nineteen men nodded yes.

“Because there’s definitely nothing gay about twenty guys sharing a dorm together,” Sungmin said.

“Of course not. Even though, you know, there’s that statistic that one out of every ten men is gay,” said Zhou Mi.

“That means two of us is gay.” Jiyoung glanced around. “Who are they?”

“I vote Zhou Mi,” Henry said, and Zhou Mi smacked him.

“Well on average. Technically, it doesn’t mean in every gathering,” said Kibum.

“So none of us could be gay?” asked Daesung.

“Or all of us could,” Jongwoon said.

--

It has been reported that two of Asia’s biggest boy bands, Super Junior and Big Bang, after having released a song and an album that both have worked on together, are now combining to form a twenty-member group, second largest after 21BB. – kpoplive

“We need a name now,” Jungsoo said.

“Super Junior Big Bang!” Donghae called out.

Hyukjae smacked him. “That’s just both of the bands’ names together.

“Exactly! Isn’t it perfect?” grinned Daesung.

“We could try combining them,” said Shindong. “Like… Super Bang.”

“Or Big Junior,” Henry giggled. “Even though that makes no sense whatsoever.”

“We could do Super Big Bang Junior,” said Seunghyun.

“But that makes even less sense than Donghae’s!” Kibum pointed out.

“What about Big Super Junior Bang?” asked T.O.P.

Siwon crinkled his nose. “No.”

“Let’s try to be creative… how about The World’s #1 Boy Band?” offered Youngwoon.

They all seemed to consider his suggestion for a moment.

But then Heechul said, “Doesn’t that make us sound egotistical?”

“As if you aren’t egotistical,” Taeyang teased.

“Come on, no fighting,” said Jongwoon.

Siwon saw that next to him, a boy’s hand was up.“Sungmin, do you have a suggestion?”

“I was thinking we could be Super Big. You know? Just Super Big like our crotches,” Sungmin said.

“You know? I actually like that,” Jiyoung said thoughtfully.

“Yeah! Me too!” Zhou Mi clapped happily.

“Then let’s do it! Let’s be Super Big!” Jungsoo said.

All twenty men formed a circle and stuck their hands in the middle.

“We are… SUPER BIG!”